i may or may not be watching the land before time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
