Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
