I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
