You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
