worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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