It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
