Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
