why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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