I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
