Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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