Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
