Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
