dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
