She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
