I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
