don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
