I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
