please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This house was built for laser tag.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
