i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
