It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
