kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
