i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
