my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Welp...herpes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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