Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
