Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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