I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
