Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every concussion has its silver lining
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
