This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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