I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
