Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
