just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
