I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
