i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
