I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
