My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
