Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
