As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
