the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
