I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
