I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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