Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
