I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
