I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
