The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
