It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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