he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
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