I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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