when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
