Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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