The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
