that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
